The world would be a better place without the word should. Does that sound like an overstatement? What do you feel when you say the word should? Does it ignite dread, judgement, failure? The should is a reminder that I’m doing something that I did not truly choose— all while judging myself for not wanting to do it. That sounds like fucking self-abuse.

Should is the opposite of intention. 

I can make my own choice. I’m empowered to make my own decisions. Then, why do I make “should” decisions? The “should” for me is my family’s and society’s expectations. The should is doing something before I assign purpose to it. Does everything in life need a purpose? Purpose insinuates a deepness. Intention does not need to have an overwhelming deep meaning. It is simply a way of your soul recognizing a reason for energy dedication, and acknowledging it is worth the expenditure. 

“I should work out today.” Does that make you want to work out? This makes me feel like I already didn’t meet an expectation or standard that has been set by some invisible force I like to call my self-abusive brain.

Why “should” you work out? The obvious answer is because it is a healthy decision for your mind and body. 

What if you rephrased this to:

a. “Working out today will improve the health of my body and mind.”

b. “Working out today will give me the ass I want by summer.”

c. “Working out today will make me more prepared for the marathon.”

One you rephrase the options this way, you either choose to work out or not. You simply make a choice that you accept as is. You’re not feeling the guilt about not doing something in line with a false sense of expectation. Will your mind and body not feel as good as it would if you worked out? Will your ass sag more than it would if you worked out? Probably. But you make a choice, are aware of the rewards and consequences, and accept them.

Removing the “should” bypasses guilt and parks you right into acceptance. 

I would say that 90% of my “should decisions” and intentional decisions would actually lead me to the same destination. But would you rather fly first class on Emirates or economy on Spirit?  

If you choose to work out, you assign intention to it, which fuels your energy to move forward and complete that workout. Do I enjoy waking up extra early to get that workout in? No, but at least I found the energy to move forward. Would the should do that? Maybe with the should I would have made the same decision, but I would have not had that ownership of my decision or soul fuel. The should decision will never feel like first class.

The should is self-abuse. The should deprives our will. Choice leads to empowerment. Decisiveness leads to consequence. Consequence requires acceptance. Not using should reforms guilt into acceptance. Acceptance is honest, authentic, and vulnerable. Acceptance does not mean liking everything or feeling great all the time. Acceptance is understanding and recognizing feelings, and knowing that these come and go as waves. 

Acceptance is trusting the moment’s purpose. 

We are in control of our life. The moment you stop using the word should, you realize your decisions and choices are truly only yours to make. Universally, this helped me realize that joy and happiness are choices. You can’t coast through life and expect them to fall in your lap. It is up to you to surround yourself with the energy and joys that fill up your happy tank.

Once you trust in the moment’s purpose, you become more willing to accept gifts of joy that fill up your happy tank. It does not matter what is going on in your life. If you accept joy in whatever form it comes in, you are maintaining drops of happy in your tank. Sometimes our goal might be to fill our happy tank to the top, overflow it even. Other times, we accept that the goal is just to make sure our happy tank isn’t dry.